I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize