It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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