I only kidnapped one of them. chill
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i need some magic done to my vagina
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
