On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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