chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
