tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.