We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.