She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.