Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
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didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND