did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
