is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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