Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
