the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
