If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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