forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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