I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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