Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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