you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
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remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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