My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
