He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
