i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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