Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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