I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Text me some of your sweat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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