glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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