Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
