Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
