Dual....:-)
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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