he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
