Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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