what if every blade of grass was a penis?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
