so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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