Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
