I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
