Don't you send me to vm
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
