Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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