why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
