Dude my mom stole all your condoms
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
