I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He? As in you personified your dick?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
