the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
