I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
even my farts smell like vagina
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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