Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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