Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
