He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize