What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
