I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
