the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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