this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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