2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
