to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
