The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
