I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
