he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
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I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
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