We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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