got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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