I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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