she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
