I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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