I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
