There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
