At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
