Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
