mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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