i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
