Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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