I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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